I ordered this book about 3 months ago and, as recommended in chapter one, I've been reading a chapter at a time, then trying out the suggestions. So far, with very minor changes in my behavior, I've seen very positive results.

I think that to say this book is for wallflowers only is superior and misleading. (I don't know anyone who couldn't polish up their social act a bit.)

Inwardly I have anxiety relating to people, sometimes mild or moderate, sometimes severe, but outwardly people tell me I seem extremely friendly and at ease. I'm not a mute or stammering wallflower. And I'm finding the suggestions in this book useful and interesting.

I noticed that I was tending to monopolize conversations, partially I think as a nervous habit. I wanted to be a better listener. This book shows you how to ask the kind of questions that put people at ease and help them open up and share their most interesting stories. Also tips on body language, how to give compliments without triggering knee-jerk modest responses, and how the talk yourself through moments of self-doubt. All good, basic strategies. I feel secure knowing these techniques are based on statistical evidence and clinical study of how people react and behave.

Sometimes the sample dialogue is hockey; you have to dismiss the seemingly 50's style lingo and focus on the technique being illustrated (e.g. follow up a compliment with a related open-ended question). I think this book will help people who want to cultivate warm, comfortable relationships and feel more socially at ease and effective.

I found this book very helpful, albeit not perfect. It is written in a somewhat academic, dry style, but once you get over that you will find the information is worthwhile. The book is short and has many facts and skills packed into it - so if you want to actually adopt or fully utilize the information, I think a good amount of independent reflection on the material is needed. One thing I enjoyed was that this book is based on actual research - not just one very sociable person's life experiences (which is the basis for other conversation books I have browsed through). Garner reveals many interesting insights into human nature, which are encouraging to the shy and socially awkward! Overall I would definitely recommend this book to someone who wants to learn how to speak more easily and warmly to others.

Althought most of the information seems common sense, if you actively try applying each one of the tenets in the book it works great. The book does a great job of breaking down the kinds of conversations and what to do in the different sitatuations. Definitely would recommend !!!

I have a little trouble sometimes maintaining a conversation, and small talk really isn't my forte. I don't ordinarily buy self-help books, but I read the reviews of this one and I thought I'd give it a try. Well, the good news is that apparently I'm much more socially capable than I'd thought. The bad news, for me, is that this book has little to offer to anyone capable of even the most banal responses in social situations. Say, for example, that someone comes up to you at a party and happens to mention that they've just returned from France. Would you (a) ask what airline they took and whether they enjoyed the flight, (b) ask what parts of France they'd visited, (c) offer observations based on your own experience in France, (d) ask the person how, as an American, he or she was received in France given the recent international tensions between the two countries, or (e) offer up any one of a thousand other innocuous responses? According to Garner, you should ask the person "how did you manage to get hotel rooms over there?" or "in what way was the food there different from what we have here?" Well, you can probably imagine how much further the conversation is fated to go once your interlocutor realizes that he/she is talking to a complete ditz: "Well, I called and made a reservation." "It's, uh, French food." I can see these suggestions being of some help if your only other alternative was to stammer out some unintelligible response, or to say, "Ooh la la," or some such thing. Such examples are rife throughout the book, leading me to believe that it could only possibly help the most socially inept among us. Honestly, I'm not trying to be mean-spirited, and I can see how this book _might_ help someone who simply cannot think of a single thing to say. But even in that regard, Garner advances theories and then cuts them short without developing them. About five times I turned the page, expecting to continue reading whatever mildly interesting thesis Garner had put forth, only to find that the chapter had ended! The book is basically a powerpoint presentation for nerds. You're better off just having a little confidence in your own abilities.

I'll keep it short. It's one of the best book I'd ever read. While reading it, my personality started to change, for the better. In the last few years, i'm changing the most right now. This book is good, it's great! READ IT!

If you have problems starting conversations or keeping them going, this is a very helpful book. However, it's not a panacea- to improve your conversational skill you'll have to practice.

Each section describes a single "issue", such as the basics of effective listening, or how to follow up on information you learn during a conversation. None of it will make you gasp and realize that's the hidden key, but it serves as a useful discussion of why each issue is important. Integrated into the discussion are instructions on how to use it in your day-to-day life.

Since none of the ideas are much more than fairly well-known components of interpersonal conversation, most of your learning from this book won't come from reading. However, if you follow the author's suggestions and read one section, then practice it for a day, it really is useful.

This is the first book I've read that covers the difficult art of conversation. This book contains information just unobvious enough to not be common sense to most people so it is worth the money you will pay for it, but don't expect it to turn a person lacking conversational skills into Mr. Popular.

My main problem with the book is that it gives plenty of tips on getting others to talk and listening carefully to what they say, but lacks in its information on your ability to communicate what YOU want to say in a way that will get people interested in what you have to say. There is nothing in there about improving your conversational wit.

But an even larger problem I have with this book is that there is absolutely no information about humor. I believe humor is one of the most important skills a good conversationalist can have. In other words, even if you perfect every skill in this book, you will still be a fairly boring person. You may sound intellectual and be able to follow a conversation effectively, but you will still sound like a robot.

The communication this book teaches just sounds too formal to be completely realistic. People just don't talk like the examples seem to suggest in informal situations like parties, bars, restaraunts, etc. This is all coming from a college sophomore who is looking to become "cooler" and make more friends, but this book does little to improve that aspect of my life. Therefore, my opinions may not apply to everyone and an older person who isn't concerned with such things may find this book quite a bit more useful.

The book is direct, clearly written, with many practical examples. There are books on the market that are more detailed in specific topics such as active listening, but as an overall practical guide to improving social effectiveness through starting and maintaining conversations, this is excellent.

The key to good converstation, per the author, is asking open ended questions that focus on the other person. Be actively engaged in the conversation through active listening.

The book also goes into how deliver honest positives, even when that is difficult. You could call this "spin", but it is spin in the more positive sense, as opposed to what some politicians have performed.

The book also deals with how to communicate personal information to maintain and develop the conversation, use of body language, active listening, issuing invitation (conversations and other), handling criticism, defusing difficult situations, and requesting change of behaviors in others.

As I said, the book is well written, covers each subject well, with plenty of useful examples. If you liked Covey's "Seven Habits", you'll like this book. I plan to make use of many of the techniques.

I highly recommend this book to people who feel either shy or awkward in social situations. I feel that I have gotten a great deal of useful information out of this book.

Easy reading, lots of examples, very usefull

I'm so grateful that I read this book. I think it's way more professional than "The fine art of small talk". It has an inside-out analysis of conversational behaviors. Plus it not only teaches you what to do, but how to do it in such a clear and organized way. I will feel ashame if my communication skills don't get significantly improved after reading this book.

Excellent book! Give it a try!

If you frequently find yourself unable to think of anything to say, or anything worthwhile to say, buy this book. Before I bought this book I would always find myself in dead-end conversations. People would think I was boring and had nothing going for me. While that's true, this book has helped me to at least seem like a regular person. If you're a complete introvert with no hope this book might not turn you into Mr. Popularity but it will do you A LOT of good. Buy it!

It was worth a long wait! I started reading this book as soon as it arrived. I'm a very shy person who is self conscious and hate social gatherings(which is why I bought this book...). Immediatley reading this book, I already got the confident and feel excited about going out to meet new people!! This book has such great examples which are practical and useful. I can relate to the stories he writes. I hightly recommend this book to people who are shy, self conscious, hate social gatherings. This book is a tool to make you a more outgoing, confident person!! Good luck!

Conversation is key to meeting others & establishing relationships with them. And this book does a tremendous job exploring the aspects of conversation. I, however, am looking for a more complete book on dating. And that's why I liked the usual How to Succeed with Women & How to Have Sex with Hot Girls Without Even Dating Them.

I read the book out of order (skipped around, etc.), according to the subjects that interested me most, and the book is really helping me in my social life! I just started summer school, and I made a good friend within 3 minutes of the class; oddly, I feel like the most "talkative" in class, I'm not afraid to approach anyone--I recommend this book because it has given me valuable perspective. Buy it!

This is the first review that I've ever written on a book, but I felt that this book deserves my review so that others may benefit from its content. I use to think that the reason I was having problems relating to some people was because I needed more self-confidence. But through this book I came to realize that what I needed were tools that would give me the confidence to relate to anyone. Listening and asking questions of the other person is not enough. It is also important to let other people know about yourself. All chapters in the book were excellent. Book deserves 10 stars!

Conversationally Speaking is surprisingly subtle and deep despite or perhaps because of its simple, straightforward language, methods and anecdotes.
Many a time, at the start of a chapter, I'd think, "where's Garner going with this", or "that seems a little obvious" only to be completely surprised and profoundly taken aback by his shrewd observations and wisdom, a few pages later.

This book bears multiple readings because it has much to say in despite being concise. I especially like the chapters on Self-Disclosure, Self-Defeating Rules, and IDF (Idealization, Frustration, Demoralization) disease, which were real eye-openers.

If I have any criticism of this book, it would be to say that, like many a self-help book (like The Seven Habits, and First Things First), it features many proactive strategies, in this case for overcoming shyness and improving all relationships, but it doesn't deal with the limits of those strategies, i.e. it doesn't overtly state that sometimes the best thing to do is cut your losses and ditch a relationship that's not working. Instead there is an implication to not give up on anyone, and to shrug off others' bad behaviour, rather than trusting your intuition and calling it what it is.
Keeping that in mind, the book is still worth every penny.

An excellent book for anyone. There is always room for self improvement, and this will give it to you. From reducing social anxiety, setting specific goals for yourself, all the way to meeting new people.

Grade: A+

This is very useful to learn how I should improve my communication with North Americans. By reading this book, I realized why my American friend looked embarrassed when I kept saying NO to her praise about myself. I had misunderstood "NO" indicated my modesty, but I should have shown my honesty to her then.

The chapter I like best is "conveying meaning by motion". Well explained about personal space, eye contact, touch, posture and smiling. It will help you to learn basic skill and knowledge for better communication.

All humans have different personality and background. If we really want to understand better and be closer to others, we could come to open the door in the end through our struggles. No perfect manual for human relationship. That's why human is interesting!

I went on a date last night and happened to stumble across Garner's book today. It's been a good year or so since I read it. I was glad to find out that I applied a lot of Garner's suggestions throughout the date. Like any self-help book, there are those things that you've read before, but then there are those hidden treasures that can make all of the difference. I re-read a few pages today and that inspired me to call upon a person that has been on my mind to ask her out for a drink. She mentioned that she had been meaning to call me as well. We have plans for Friday night! I ordered and drop-shipped a copy of the book for a good friend of mine.

I was looking for a book about "small talk" and found this one. It seemed to cover the same topics and that's why I bought it. The book has good stuff in it, but also things you can't use in real life. The good stuff can really help you, but I knew most of the things that were described. The book contains more syntax mistakes than any other I have seen, and that's why I don't rate it 4 stars. Moreover, the book seems a bit unprofessional, more like a diary or personal notes put together into a book. However, I still recommend this book because it's an intersting subject and everyone who doesn't feel comfortable with his communication skills should improve on them.

A had read three books on making conversation (How To Work A Room, What Do I Say Next?, and How to Start A Conversation and Make Friends). I really tried to do what they said, but for several years now, I have just fallen flat and have not been able to "connect" with others. After reading Mr. Garner's book just last week, I have really been connecting with many people. For the first time, I have been given information that actually works because it is suited to what makes people "tick". Whereas the aforementioned books basically tell you to act nice, listen, and have interesting information to talk about, Mr. Garner's information gives you tools to have people actually want to continue talking with you. I felt that the other books made you still be somewhat "boring" to other people because most people want you to relate to them, rather than them having to find your topics interesting. This book has really changed my life and I am really grateful! Other good picks are (audiotapes) The Fine Art of Small Talk by Deborah Fine and The Pocket Guide to Making Successful Small Talk: How to Talk to Anyone Anytime Anywhere About Anything by Bernardo J. Carducci, Ph D.

I would suggest this book to anyone who is in need of learning better conversational skills. I have found the information in this book to be helpful and aplicable to my life. Great Book!

I had considered myself a very shy person, never knowing what to say to new people, so I decided to read this book. This book is a very helpful book. The author, Alan Garner, takes you through his step by step Conversationally Speaking course, which will help anyone who has any problems striking conversation.

Garner gives advice on how to make people want to talk to you, everything from how to give off a positive body language and seem to others to be open and willing to socialize, to how you can make people interested in what you talk about, just by talking about things that interest them? Now you may ask, how do you know what interests someone, or how do I talk in a way that will make me seem more intriguing to a person, if I dont know them or what they want, let alone what they think??? Your answer..... Read this book!!!!! It tells you all of that and more, and all of Garner's techniques are supported by real life situations, and in many cases, real life dialogue that Garner has either been a part of himself, been there to see it, or heard from a friend. Just reading these alone can show you how to be more sociable and build self confidence. In short, if you want to be a better people person, then READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!!!

The author gives personal (and sometimes embarrassing) anecdotes about his own conversational blunders which helps the reader feel much more at ease. Excellent writing style. Much practical advice. Read this book a few times and it absorb it all and you will have no problems conversing with anyone!

I have been shy most of my life and until I read this book I felt totally socially inept. I had no idea of what to say to people or how to say it upon first meeting them and I would let others take the risk of introducing themselves to me. Now my shyness is gone and I can approach anyone without any fear of rejection, this book has saved me from a life of abject loneliness and made me into a social STAR. By using the tools Alan Garner gives the reader, one is able to create deep meaningful relationships. Conversation is the fabric of human interaction and questions are the foundation of conversation. Through asking the correct type of questions one is able to discover exactly what type of person they are dealing with. I went from having non-discovery conversations lasting only a few minutes to deep meaningful conversations lasting all night. If you want to have friendships of value this book is for you. I am amazed at how much people reveal about themselves to me, people are no longer a mystery to me, they are a treasure chest of information and excitement.

If you are shy as I was this book and Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers will help you become the person you were born to be.

I read this book as a person interested in meeting other people: I wished to make my communication easier, especially when with handsome strangers and unfamiliar acquaintances! Without doubt this book has been a great help, however, be warned its focus is on Prolonging conversation, primarily by getting others to talk: The crucial issue of making conversation Stimulating is left vaguely in the subtext. The book may not help with specific problems of self-confidence; e.g. fear of asking personal questions, difficulties in taking issue with people (and solving issues) or trouble with putting personal problems into words (i.e. open forum), and it certainly won't provide you with a sense of humour. All of these, I believe, are the oxygen of close relationships and personal charisma.

After reading this book you may find, like myself, that you are complimented by friends for being able to talk to people, and for Knowing lots of people, yet you may still hold up your hands and say "I have talked to many people but made few close friends". I would have also liked to see more specific ideas for conversational openings (for which you may like to investigate "The book of fabulous questions"). Whatever Conversationally Speaking has to teach, I believe that spontaneity; the ability to speak the impulsive thoughts in ones mind, is the key. What this means is that when issues are raised in your thoughts, instead of going away and trying to solve them by reading self-help books (which personally effective people don't read!) or by thinking it through on your own: Raise the issue immediately with the person you have it with! Your 'issues' (often issues of personal failing) are the seeds of what you have to talk about. To my mind, Conversationally Speaking operates as an analysis and expose of what happens when personal spontaneity is in effect. Its strength is that, if you Really have trouble meeting people, this book Will help you. Meantime: Speak your mind: "Admit" what you're thinking, and drop the Hesitation from your communication!

This book does exactly what it says: It provides direct and practial methods to make effective conversation. The best part is in the application - read chapter number One and just start doing what is outlined there will help in your personal effectiveness.

For the most part this book is fairly well written with the exception of a few chapters at the end. The first half of the book offered the majority of what I found to be useful information. The second half however, seemed to shift away from the book's focus and on to something else (mainly motivation). All in all not a bad book. See if your library has it before buying.

This book should be read by anyone who has had even mild trouble meeting and effectively communicating with others. The techniques are all very useful and unlike other books which are mostly theory this book is number 1 in the practical application department. When I was down for awhile it really helped to have such straightforward and concrete help in meeting others. The book will make a people person out of the wallflower and even give those of us who have a lot of friends some help :)

This book was smart and useful. The last chapter on putting the principles to work was especially helpful.If want more social confidence, read this book!

When I was a freshman at HSU in 1981 I didn't have a real conversation with anyone for the first six weeks. Nearly a hermit, I finally exchanged a "hello" and a few words with someone and was elated for days.

Knowing I needed lots of help in the conversation department, I looked for a book on how to talk with people. What I found was Alan Garner's first edition of CONVERSATIONALLY SPEAKING. Without a hint of hyperbole I can say that it changed my life. Over a relatively short period I became a highly skilled conversationalist and a highly sought after friend. I ended up making a career out of the skills I learned in this book. Thank you Alan Garner.

10 years ago I felt like a soul going about in a suit of armor fashioned from rusty scrap metal which had once been a septic tank. I had problems stemming from my youth.

The time had come for me to change or I was going to die, either of lonliness or suicide, so I got into therapy. I started feeling better soon, but needed to build new, practical habits. I hardly knew where to begin; books seemed a good place.

I found Alan Garner's book and seized it immediately.

It's a wonderful book if you desire practical conversational skills that will touch many areas of you life in a positive way. Garner gently guides you step-by-step from finding others to meet, to starting conversations & keeping them going, to resolving conflicts once you're in a relationship.

How fascinating for a young man like me to know the freedom of exchanging silly pick-up lines (or begging) for the calm of honest interest and realistic expectatations.

I am no longer bewildered about why some people are much more successful that others socially, and if you read Alan Garner's book you'll join in the understanding.

May you set yourself free.