This film seems to be a divorce gift from Madonna to Sean Penn. After hot tempered fits of bondage and domination fueled by alcohol split their marriage up, she still claimed to love him. Madonna monotones her lines as she strips to keep us guessing, Did she do the murder or not? William Dafoe snarls, grimmaces and shouts as her attorney seduced by her devious games, at times resembling Talman's Hamilton Berger on Perry Mason. If anyone should divorce a cruel partner they should have him or her sentenced to a prison where this is the only film to watch. Like Basic Instinct, but it really stinks and is one of the worst films ever made.

"I'm hard to resist," claims wanton art gallery owner Madonna in her 1993 flick Body of Evidence. We beg to differ. Resistibility is Madonna's salient quality as a film star.

The plot of Body of Evidence, the most enjoyably awful of Madonna's awful movies, can be summed up in the words uttered by the pint-sized son of defense lawyer Willem Dafoe: "Can you really screw someone to death?" Yes, that's the very question the entire story of Body of Evidence revolves around. Madonna has been accused of murdering her fiance, an older man whose death by cocaine, handcuffs and rough sex came right after he made her the sole beneficiary of his $8 million estate. Going right to work in his job of defending Madonna, lawyer Dafoe scoffs at investigating cop Joe Mantegna: "What are you going to do, tag her body as a murder weapon? It's not a crime to be a great lay." Well, it may not be a crime to be a great lay, but if you're Madonna it is a crime to try to play one. Striving for the effortless, incendiary va-voom of Lana Turner in The Postman Always Rings Twice, Kim Novak in Vertigo or Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, Madonna comes off not as a blonde bombshell but a blonde bomb.

When Dafoe tells Madonna that Mantegna is going to build his case on her predilection for violent, dirty sex, Madonna replies, "It wasn't dirty! Have you ever seen animals make love? It's intense. It's violent. But they never really hurt each other." To which Dafoe replies, "We're not animals," whereupon Madonna counters, "Yes, we are." Well, some of us are. Soon, in the strangest come-on in movie history, a nude Madonna gets needles stuck into her behind by an acupuncturist while Dafoe watches, practically panting. In court, detective Mantegna presents his take on Madonna to the jury: "She is the murder weapon itself. When this trial is over, you will see her no differently than a gun or a knife or any other instrument used as a weapon." In short, an inanimate object. He does have that right. Prosecution witness Anne Archer, the secretary of the dead man, refers to Madonna as "a cokehead slut." Judge Lillian Lehman pipes up with one of our favorite Bad Movie lines ever: "I cannot change the titillating nature of this trial, but if I had wanted to work in the circus, I would have learned how to ride a trapeze!"

This movie is really good, and Madonna is fantastic in it! I highly recommend it!!

When "Body of Evidence" was released hot on the heels of the Madonna media backlash that was started with the lukewarm critical response to Erotica and the accompanying SEX book, it seemed like the film was to be the final nail in the coffin of Madge's bid for legitimate Hollywood stardom. I think at this point we can all agree that the poor gal has unfortunately all the warmth and range of a cold stick BUT I think the time may be near when under general consensus we can all agree that she can't act and (given her unarguable cutural significance) start reapraising her films in relation to their awful-ness or camp value. "Body of Evidence" is my favorite bad Madonna movie. It's ludicrous bid for erotic intensity, Madonna's flat dialogue delivery, Madonna's Granny Panties, it's ridiculous plot involving humping people to death while partying on drugs...all the Material Girl flesh on parade. Georgeous Madonna rolling around with ugly (gay) Willem DeFoe dumping candle wax on each other like an episode of Zalman King's Red Shoe Diaries. Time will age this monstrosity into THE midnight movie Madonna offering. Evita's too long, Who's That Girl..too annoying...Shanghai Suprise...close but not bad enough...Next Best Thing..nah! and then there are the "Good" Madonna movies...Desperately Seeking Susan, Truth or Dare and that kinda good Abel Ferrara one. I think Madonna should star in a remake of Pinnochio...y'know...the story of a wooden pop-star who wanted to be a real actress. I love her.

This should've been the end of Madonna's movie career and the fact that it wasn't proves that the folks in Hollywood are no smarter than the rest of us. Body of Evidence is one of the most unintenionally funny wastes of film I've ever seen. The sex scenes are not sexy. Madonna spends a lot of time semi naked but her body is not particularly attractive. William DaFoe looked like he was ashamed throughout the movie and the script stinks too. That's about all I can say.