As I have surpassed 700 cds in my library, I thought it was time to add some Tom Waits. I started with Closing Time and absolutely love it, but Frank's Wild Years is one of the WORST cds I have ever purchased. No soul, hokey tunes, not something I like at all. Perhaps Waits fans would like this but, as a Waits novice, I had to give this a second chance and I dislike it even more than when I first listened. This cd will go into my recycle pile. No camparison to Closing Time, absolutely none.

A Tom Waits album is the aural equivalent of walking down a dark twisty path with a cantankerous old uncle who mixes Old Testament wisdom with dirty jokes. Franks Wild Years is another entry in this fine tradition.
As you may already know, this album is taken from an opera that Tom and Kathleen wrote. If you are interested in further explorations of this project, check out Big Time - both the album and the movie (available only on VHS). The studio version of Down in the Hole is great, but the live version is truly amazing and even hilarious. Check it out!

Tom Waits definitely inspires extreme opinions. Many of my friends think he is one of the all-time greats. For me, the emperor has no clothes. One star is being kind.

However, it's not enough to just say this album is one of the worst I've ever heard. It's not enough to say Tom Waits is a pretentious fop. It's not enough to say that he sings just like Cookie Monster.

Those are all cheap shots and name-calling, which you can easily find on the message boards of TMZ.com and ESPN.com. No, my challenge here is to explain why I hate Franks Wild Years, in clear and precise language that will change your mind. A thesis on the musical stinkery of Waits that will make you realize you've been living a lie.

Of course, I can type and type and type, and it will all be in vain. You'll all laugh and snicker, and shake your heads sadly at me and tell me I don't get it. And you know what? I don't. I boldly assert my own ignorance of the supposed genius of Tom Waits, the two-bit troubadour.

So let's examine the themes of Franks Wild Years, which Waits desperately, almost pathologically wants you to explore.

Of course, this is more than just an album. It's "Un Operachi Romantico In Two Acts", and completes a trilogy of albums. Really, Tom? I'm already not feeling very smart now that I've entered your whimsical world. Sorry I missed the play that accompanied this very important piece of art. Maybe then I would truly understand it. Right now I am just hearing some accordions, some off-key horns, that gravelly, straight-from-Skid-Row voice of yours, and I'm already getting upset.

Franks Wild Years tells the story of Frank, a doomed loser dyin' to get out of his one-horse town and go "straight to the top" (NOTE TO TOM: Springsteen already covered this lyrical ground about 12-15 years prior). Actually, Waits' lyrics by themselves are kinda like a more arty Springsteen (Mary's on the black top/There's a husband in the dog house), but WAY more pretentious.

I mean, what is Waits actually trying to say? I mean, I get that he's an avant-garde poet extraordinaire. Jeez, that's beaten over my head with each song. "Look! Here's a cheesy waltz! Now look! I'm familiar with Django Reinhardt and you're not! Wait, there's more! I'm like Sinatra, only I'm off-key and drunk! I literally can create an entire cast of characters with clever wordplay in one album -- sorry, I meant in UN OPERACHI ROMANTICO IN TWO ACTS."

But even that musical chameleon quality of Waits doesn't accurately explain my hatred. Waits definitely creates music on his own terms. He doesn't come to you, but instead makes you come to him. I'm sorry, but I hate that about artists. Music has to be a two-way street. Unusual does not equal good. The only mood that Waits creates for me, anyway, is "What kind of garbage am I listening to?"

The album is WAY too long. How pretentious of Waits to play us two versions of two different songs! It's like he is saying, "Did you enjoy my genius on the first rhumba version on Side One -- sorry, I meant in Act I? Now sit back and MARVEL at how effortlessly I can switch to a Vegas version! What a poignant commentary I am making on the broken promises of the Sin City!"

No, Tom, it's just long! I already heard this song! Just get to the end of the record and let me get back to my Kinks albums!

I'm not going to go song by song here, cause I rate them all 0 out of 10. All of them. However, special dishonorable mention must go to "I'll Take New York", which I give negative 1,000 out of 10. The U.S. Army should set up giant speakers throughout the mountains of Afghanistan, and just play that song at ear-splitting volume on a continuous loop. The Taliban would be completely flushed out in about a day.

I expect I will be skewered by the Waits-lovers on here, but bring it on. The truth deserves to be heard.

go on the journey with frank as he rises to success and falls back down. i like to think fo this as ziggy stardusts cooler, older brother. a neccesity for any waits fan

Tom Waits has one sound and is at least consistent for sticking to it. If you listen to more than one Waits's album, then you have heard it all before. His sound, unique and unforgettably that of an intense hang-over from cheap liquor, sticks with the listener long after the music ends.