I read this book in conjunction with an 8-week class my wife and I joined because we were having a tough time. Now that the class is over, I am totally amazed at the positive impact the book had on our 23-year marriage.

The book defines three stages that married partners move through: intimacy, conflict and withdrawal. I was firmly in withdrawal when I started the class. And after the first session, I was unconvinced that the book would do us any good. But we hung in there, and we both learned so much! I was deeply resenting my wife because I was doing all I could to please her, and felt like she was not reciprocating. As it turns out, the things I was working so hard on were very important to me, but not to her. And she was doing the same thing to me-- trying to show me love by doing things that were important to her, but not to me.

Once we understood what each other's needs were, it was really pretty simple to meet them, and move from withdrawal back to intimacy. The book provided a very helpful framework within which we could discuss our relationship without both getting angry and retreating to our separate corners.

For me, it was extremely helpful to read this book as part of a class. The class gave us encouragement, deadlines and a sense of accountablity that we absolutely would not have had on our own. One couple in our class said that the eight-week class had been way more helpful than 11 months of marriage counseling (not to mention far less expensive!)

The book and class really turned our relationship around. I wish we had done them decades ago. More info on the class is avaiable at the Family Dynamics website, [...]

While this book contains great information for making your relationship more fulfilling, it totally paints a picture of performance-based marriage. If your needs aren't met, then apparently you are in a perfect position to go look somewhere else. That's not love. Marriage is about commitment and unfathomable loyalty. When your needs are met, you can attain great joy in marriage, but there is NEVER a valid excuse for an affair. We are in our 7th month of recovery after an affair that rocked our world and this book seeks to give some kind of answer to "how could this happen?" that totally disregards the true meaning of commitment.

This book provides me a lot of information about relationship and marriage that i thought i knew about, i was wrong. My husband and i have unintentionally made each other very unhappy during the years of our marriage. We did not make an effort or understand the importance of meeting each other's emotional need. I'm so glad this is written out so clearly and simple. Something everyone can do if they agree and believe in it. This book brought our marriage closer again. I have never been happier in my life. Dr. Harley, thank you.

Is realy good, I sugested to any one who have a family or is plannig to have one.

This book is great I would recomend it for anyone going in to a relationship. A really easy book to read that has some great ideas for all relationships.